if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This is my gift to your gina
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
