bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
