My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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