I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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