Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
