There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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