oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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