Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
