They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
