I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
