you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
