I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
