U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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