What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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