never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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