Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
