I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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