Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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