So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
