she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
