dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Life is so much better after having sex.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
