I think my vagina is haunted
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"