if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There r osticjed everywhere
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.