I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.