the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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