Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?