I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
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I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off