so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room