If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex