First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.