I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
