i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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