I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
