The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Mom said you looked used
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
