Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
