he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
