I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
People in love make me want to vomit
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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