I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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