I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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