She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
