he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Panties = found
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