oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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