I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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