apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
