I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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