I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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