I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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