i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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