maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
