Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
