Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
