my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
