bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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