what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
