guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
