I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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