So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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