i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
