She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
