my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
