Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
