shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
