There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize