I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
