I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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