and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
