yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
