I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
