Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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