Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
