I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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