Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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