he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want a musical about memes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
