i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
