may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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