i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
