I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
