I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
