p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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