omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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