Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
