LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
