Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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