It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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