Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
