Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
