In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
