i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
