i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
