I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
