Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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