You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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