Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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