I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
