i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
